


ataraxia

by GucciAspirin



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:33:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24743890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GucciAspirin/pseuds/GucciAspirin
Summary: Set right after the season 3 finale.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 24
Kudos: 387





	ataraxia

**Author's Note:**

> ataraxia [ at-uh-rak-see-uh ]  
> noun  
> a state of freedom from emotional disturbance and anxiety; tranquillity.

Eve stopped and turned around without so much as a breath.

There was Villanelle. 

A bridge underneath their feet and in between them, the same way the air was in between them. The air, cold and brushing against her face, soaking into her skin and making her bones ache; brimy against her tongue,and thick with the odor of the city.

The city surrounded them. Soft _vrooms_ of cars passing them, one after another and another and another. A dark sky where the stars weren't visible because of heavy light pollution. 

Villanelle was stopped on the bridge, just like Eve was stopped on the bridge. She faced away from Eve. 

Eve wanted her to turn around. It was different from the other things she had once wanted in her life. It was a want that grew over time, and it grew quickly. Eve had always turned around to Villanelle, even when it was completely akratic. And Villanelle always turned around to Eve. 

So part of it was like gravity. An apple falling from the sky like rain. Villanelle turned around because she had to. The same way Eve had to. 

They stared at each other. Villanelle kind of smiling, and Eve with a clarity that had come to her over time. 

Eve didn’t know the word for the feeling. Free, maybe - but not completely. It was deeper than that, a state of being almost. There was no guilt anymore, no need for sorries; her ties had been cut. She could do what she wanted now. She knew what she wanted. And even when she thought she had what she wanted - Niko, the house, the chicken - she knew that it was never really true. 

“I knew you would turn,” Villanelle called out, her voice loud over the cars and wind. 

The corner of Eve’s mouth twitched. “You’re an asshole, you know that?” 

Villanelle started to walk towards Eve. “Are you going to run away?” she asked, the same self-assured smile on her face. 

The air between them began to disappear, as did the stretch of bridge. 

“I’m tired of running,” Eve said. 

Villanelle swallowed and nodded. “Me too.”

They stood, their feet inches away from each other. Eve couldn’t help but think of their dance, and the way Villanelle pressed up against her. 

“What do we do now?” Eve asked, looking up at Villanelle. 

“For now we keep walking,” Villanelle said, taking a step next to and then past Eve.

Eve walked alongside her. “And then?” she said, though she didn’t really need to know. She knew that she would be going with Villanelle. She’d always end up being with Villanelle. Even if she ran away now, they would meet again. 

Eve accepted that. She wanted that. 

“I have to leave,” Villanelle said, looking up ahead, her hands inside of her pockets. 

Eve folded her arms over one another. 

“Do you have any places in mind?” Villanelle asked. 

“I don’t want to go to Alaska,” Eve said. It was something she thought about a lot after being shot; what would have happened if she went with Villanelle. Alaska seemed too cold. Too empty. 

“No Alaska,” Villanelle said, nodding. 

“Somewhere with stars,” Eve said, looking up towards the sky. 

“I’ve heard Costa Rica is nice,” Villanelle said, turning her head to face Eve. “They have monkeys.” Her eyes popped as she said monkeys, the excitement still lingering. 

“Costa Rica,” Eve said in agreement. 

“We have to leave now,” Villanelle said. “I don’t want some other Raymond jerk waiting for me at either of our apartments.”

Eve froze. “Like right now?”

“Yeah,” Villanelle said. “We should probably get a taxi to the airport.”

“Uh,” Eve panicked for a moment, patting down her pockets and digging through them. She sighed when she found her passport. It had been another thing she thought of after being shot. A passport. Hard to flee without a passport. “Okay. I have it.”

Villanelle laughed at that, first to herself, and then to the world. She laughed, looking up into the sky.

Eve laughed too.

Both of them, walking and cackling on the side of a bridge. They had to stop they were laughing so hard, and then the laughter faded. A sober silence grew, though it was never really quiet in the city.

“Costa Rica,” Villanelle said, as if confirming it. The cockiness had wavered, and Eve could see the question in it. Her eyes glimmered, a thin wetness that would never turn into tears. 

“Costa Rica,” Eve said again. “I heard they have monkeys.”

Villanelle smiled again, and they continued walking until they reached the main road, not really talking and not needing to talk. 

Villanelle hailed for a cab, waving her arm in the air and calling out until one stopped. 

“Airport,” Villanelle said to the driver before getting into the backseat with Eve. 

Villanelle let out a breath and turned to look at Eve. She reached out and pulled up the hood on Eve’s coat. “If they’re already there,” she said, fixing the edges of the hood around Eve’s face, “we should probably cover up a bit.” Villanelle wet her lips, hand lingering by Eve’s cheek. 

“They work that fast?” Eve asked. 

“Rome,” is all Villanelle needed to say.

“Right,” Eve said, voice clipped. “Do you think that guy was really the twelve?” she asked as Villanelle pulled away, digging through what Eve assumed to be a purse underneath her coat. She pulled out a hat, but didn’t put it on.

“Who knows. _Shit_ communication in upper management. I think my boss was trying to seduce me,” Villanelle said, her features scrunching together to convey distaste.

Eve laughed. “Sounds like MI6,” she said, and then added, “without the seducing… thing.” 

“No? Not once with Carolyn?” Villanelle asked. 

“No,” Eve said, bristling. 

“She’s an attractive woman, Eve.”

“Well have you and Carolyn?” Eve asked, and it felt so playful she wanted to laugh again. 

Villanelle stalled before forming a slow smile, the whites of her teeth just barely showing. “I don’t kiss and tell, Eve.”

Eve rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Carolyn would never.”

“I think she might,” Villanelle said, defensive. 

“Would you want it to?” Eve asked. 

Villanelle looked at Eve, her eyes trailing down towards Eve’s lips. “No,” she said, looking up. 

Eve let out a breath, her chest starting to feel warm. She reached forward, covering Villanelle’s hand. And that was warm too. She let her hand rest, thumb occasionally brushing over the bottom of Villanelle’s palm. 

Villanelle’s hands were artful. Gentle, which felt like an oxymoron, but wasn’t. There was no denying the gentleness in her hands, just like there was no denying the brutality in them. 

Villanelle looked at their hands, but made no other movements. Though sometimes when Eve would stroke her palm, Villanelle’s chest would rise quickly and fall. 

“Airport,” the driver said as they pulled up to the departure section of the airport. 

Villanelle pulled a few bills out of the hat and gave them to the driver, then put the hat on.

“This is your grand plan to avoid them?” Eve asked, touching the hood. 

“Trick of the trade,” Villanelle said. “I used it to watch you.”

Eve stared at her blankly. “When?” she asked. 

Villanelle chuckled and grabbed Eve’s hand again, pulling her out of the car. 

“Before Bill,” Villanelle said, staring back at Eve with a faltering smile. They walked through the doors of the airport. It wasn’t busy due to the time - all red eye flights showing up on the boards.

Eve faltered to reply. She hadn’t thought of Bill in a while. He’d probably hate her, but Eve was past that. Eve stopped, and Villanelle turned still holding onto her hand. 

“Why didn’t you go with Konstantin?” Eve asked.

Villanelle bringing up Bill was a test. Something to get a reaction, to either confirm or dispel something. Eve wanted to test her in turn.

Villanelle’s smile left completely. She opened her mouth to speak, but her breath wavered ever so slightly. “Konstantin is rude,” she said. 

“So am I,” Eve said back.

“But I want to be with you,” she said. Her gaze flickered to the ground for less than a second. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I tried,” Eve thought the words were her own. “Every time I walk forward, I’m pushed back. You feel it too.”

Eve took a step towards her, and then another. It was thoughtless. Her hand rested on Villanelle’s cheek, and their lips met. 

Suitcases rolling against the ground, announcements called overboard, business men on the phone - it all sounded like an explosion. 

Villanelle’s lips were like her hands, responding fast and precise. It wasn’t like the bus. There was no surprise in this kiss. Eve knew what she was doing, and her eyes closed. 

Villanelle dragged their joined hands in between their bodies, pressing fully against Eve. 

Eve’s lips quivered in between Villanelle’s. She didn’t know it could be this soft. Villanelle’s tongue peaking out and the tip just grazing Eve’s bottom lip, teasing her. 

Villanelle pulled away, breathless. She smiled wide, eyes filling with a renewed excitement. “We should go,” she said with a quick raise of her eyebrows. 

She pulled Eve along to the nearest airline desk. 

“When is your next flight to Costa Rica?” she asked the agent at the nearest airline booth. She was using an American accent, but it differed from the Billie accent. It was thinner, lighter in tone.

The agent typed on his computer. “Tomorrow. 7 am.”

“Any flights near there going off soon?”

He typed again, then looked up, eyes wary. Toronto, Canada?”

“Canada is fine for now,” Eve said. 

“Two tickets,” Villanelle said. 

“We only have business class.”

Villanelle stared back at him, looking annoyed. 

“9,798 pounds.”

She went through her pockets and pulled out a small stack of money, much to both the agent and Eve’s surprise. 

It took less than a minute to verify, and then they were making their way through customs, and towards the gates.

“How much cash do you have on you?” Eve asked once they’d passed completely out of customs. 

“A lot.” She grinned. “We will not have to worry about money. The twelve were shit employers, but they paid good.”

In customs they were mostly silent, trying to keep their heads down in the mass of people waiting to go through. Eve with her hood, and Villanelle with her hat.

It was almost too easy. Getting through the airport, neither of them stopping. Eve waited for the other shoe to drop, but it didn’t. It just stayed there, suspended in the air above them. It was supposed to fall, but it wouldn’t.

They made it, just in time for the last group of boarding.

And for a moment it was just like the bridge again. Unsure, hesitant.

Eve let out a breath and squeezed Villanelle’s hand. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” she said, the word feeling much heavier than it sounded.

This was it. No more twelve, no more MI6. No more bullshit. It was just the two of them. It would be just the two of them. Eve would no longer have a normalcy to lean on, no home to go back to. She didn’t know what being with Villanelle would be like, but she knew she couldn’t be without Villanelle anymore. Running away would be like submerging herself under water.

They walked up the ramp to the plane, still not saying much. Still breathless from what they were doing. It felt like a secret, something to be giddy about. Two pinkies intertwining, except it was the fullness of their hands instead.

They took their seats, not having any luggage to put overboard.

“It’s a long flight,” Villanelle said, looking at the TV on the seat in front of her.

On the display in front of Eve was a diagram of the world and a plane marker. On the bottom it read: _7 hours 43 minutes._

“You know,” Eve said, “all this chasing each other around. You’ve never taken me on a date.” She said it calmly, but the playfulness was not missed to Villanelle.

She narrowed her eyes and scoffed. “We’ve been on plenty of dates, Eve.”

“Oh we have?”

“That time I showed up at your house.”

“That wasn’t a date,” Eve said, voice going up in pitch.

“We ate, and I saw you undressed?” she said. “And that time you showed up at my apartment. When I showed up at your house again,” she was saying it as if she were counting, “Rome,” she said, the duh not needing to be added. “The bus.”

“The bus!?”

Villanelle nodded. “The bus.” She leaned in slightly. “When you kissed me,” she said smugly.

“I was trying to distract you, and it worked,” Eve said.

Villanelle kept leaning in, eyes slowly moving down to Eve’s lips. She then looked away, a show of bashfulness as she bit her lip. Then she came in even closer, her nose grazing Eve’s.

“You want me?” she asked. She leaned in closer, past Eve’s cheek, lips ghosting the shell of Eve’s ear.

Eve forced herself to take a small breath. Villanelle’s voice was deep, a grittiness being carried underneath every word. Eve was hot, her skin humming as she became faintly aware of their still touching hands.

“Because I think about what I’d like to do to you a lot,” Villanelle continued. Eve felt Villanelle’s smile against her ear. “And we’ve been on multiple dates now.”

Eve shivered, eyes closing. Villanelle’s other hand came to rest on Eve’s thigh.

Eve was wet, and something in her belly was jumping up. Begging her to reach out. She suppressed it.

The overhead speakers of the airplane went off, signaling the announcement that the flight was about to take off. Villanelle pulled away once the flight attendants starting demonstrating what to do if the plane fell out of the sky.

Villanelle watched, nodding performatively from the aisle seat.

Eve almost laughed at the idea of the plane crashing. It would be a perfect ending. She didn’t want the plane to crash, though. She didn’t want that ending.

“Meals will be served shortly in-flight, along with blankets, pillows and headphones,” someone said over the speakers.

“Dinner and a movie?” Eve asked as they began to talk about in-flight entertainment.

Something shined in Villanelle’s eyes then, her face unreadable. She nodded and sat back. “Okay,” she said.

The announcement ended, and shortly after the plane began to take off.

Eve braced herself slightly.

“Nervous?” Villanelle asked, rubbing the line of Eve’s palm.

“I hate take off,” Eve said as they shot into the sky. “It’s something about the plane going up. A feeling I get.” She didn’t mind it going down, but going up gave a short, sickening feeling. Something dreadful creeped in her as she realized the world was going below her.

“The plane has to go up to fly, Eve,” Villanelle said, flatly.

Eve gave her a quick glare.

Villanelle looked past Eve, to the window. “But stars,” she said.

Eve looked out of the window. Stars everywhere.

“Let’s watch Knives Out,” Villanelle said. “It looks funny.”

“Sure,” Eve said.

She stopped thinking about the shoe. It wasn’t going to drop. The plane wasn’t going to crash. Villanelle was still holding her hand.

They played the movie at the same time on their TV’s, though Villanelle was a few seconds ahead because sometimes she would laugh too loudly at nothing.

Two blankets were spread over their laps, shitty airplane food on their trays. At some point they had wine ordered, and drank that as they watched the movie.

Villanelle’s arm made its way around Eve’s shoulder like they were kids at a movie theater.

A date.

After, the first thing Eve thought to say was, “I wonder how my divorce is going to happen.”

Villanelle’s eyes widened at that. “I wonder how my divorce is going to happen.”

“You got married?” Eve asked, though she didn’t believe it. She couldn’t.

“She had a really nice pool,” Villanelle said.

Eve’s mouth dropped open. “Wait you’re serious?”

“You were married.”

Eve rolled her eyes. “That wasn’t the same.”

Now Villanelle looked at her in disbelief, but then her eyes softened. “I barely remember her.”

Eve didn’t know if that made it better or worse.

“But I guess a lot has happened since Rome,” Villanelle said. A fire rose in her eyes, one that would destroy Rome. “What did you do?”

Eve leaned back in her seat. “I worked at a restaurant,” she said.

“I already knew that,” she said.

“Of course you did.”

“I didn’t know you were alive. Not until Konstantin told me after he saw you…” She swallowed, shifting in her seat.

“What did it feel like?” Eve asked, and she was leaning closer into Villanelle. She remembered finding out Villanelle was still alive, remembered the breath leaving her lungs. A twisted joy growing all throughout her like vines.

Villanelle wet her lips, a laugh softer than a sigh leaving her lips. She leaned in, and kissed Eve. Soft, her mouth consuming Eve as Eve fell into her.

A baby crying somewhere on the back of the plane while Villanelle’s hands grabbed Eve’s face, her tongue tracing Eve’s bottom lip.

“I felt alive,” she said against Eve’s opened mouth.

Then she pulled away slowly, her hands sliding down Eve’s face. One going back to hold Eve’s hand.

“I saw my family,” Villanelle said, bouncing back. But her voice was still thick with some sweet emotion.

Eve licked her lips, tasting Villanelle still. “You did?” she asked.

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “I’m really good at dung throwing, by the way.”

Eve’s lip curled. “Dung throwing?”

“Yep. My one little brother loves Elton John. And my other brother is…” Villanelle paused, looking for a word, “weird. But okay. My mother was a real bitch.”

Eve heard the underlying story in the word was. “Was?”

“Killed her.” Villanelle looked forward in her seat.

“Will you tell me why sometime?” Eve asked. It felt honest. The moment was too peaceful to ruin, but Eve also had her questions.

More than anything else, Eve wanted to know Villanelle. She wanted to understand her from the inside out. There had been nothing she craved more since the first moment she saw Villanelle in that hospital bathroom.

“Okay,” Villanelle said with a short nod.

The world map was on their screens again since the movie ended. They had five more hours.

“We’re really doing this,” Eve said.

“When we get there we’ll go to a store. Get clothes. Stay at a hotel. Then Costa Rica.”

It sounded like a good idea. “What about when we go to Costa Rica?”

Villanelle looked at her and smiled. “Whatever you want.”

Something caught in Eve. She remembered Villanelle standing in front of her. Asking: _Will you give me everything I want?_

“Is this weird?” she asked, looking down at their hands. Mostly she was asking herself.

“We’re a little weird, Eve. I mean…you put out a hit on yourself just to get my attention.”

“I needed your help.”

“Same thing.”

“I stabbed you,” Eve said.

“I shot you,” Villanelle replied.

Eve got comfortable in her seat and yawned. “You shot me,” she said, a little slowly. “Let’s get some sleep.”

“Okay,” Villanelle said.

Eve felt Villanelle shifting closer to her, their blankets a tangled mess of cloth that hung atop their laps. Eve let herself find comfort in the gesture and rested her head on Villanelle’s offered shoulder.

She’d been with Niko most of her life, and this was so astoundingly different than that. Not bad different, just different.

Eve loved Niko in a dutiful way. She had a section of herself for Niko. A lot of her life was in sections before Villanelle. And then she’d blurred the lines completely, and Eve’s monster grew and tore those sections apart.

She was comforted by Villanelle’s shoulder, even though it felt like resting her head atop a falling object. It was a soothing calmness Eve kept feeling ever since she had looked back at Villaelle on the bridge.

She slept until she could see bright lights through her eyelids. The plane had already descended.

Villanelle was still sleeping, her head tilting towards Eve. Soft snores left her mouth, and then one very loud snore. Eve didn’t mind it due to previous experience with Niko.

“Hey,” Eve said, shaking her gently.

“Hm. Mm.” Villanelle opened her eyes, a slow smile spreading over her lips. “Hey, stranger.”

“We’re getting off.” Villanelle lifted her eyebrows, and Eve scoffed. “The plane.”

Villanelle cleared the sleep out of her throat and stood despite the seat belt light being on. She stretched her entire body out, then sat down.

“We have to stop by the currency exchange. Also phones.”

“Store, hotel,” Eve continued.

“Costa Rica,” Villanelle finished.

Eve’s stomach growled. “But can we get something to eat first. Also I have to pee.”

Villanelle bit her lip. “You’re cute,” she said, and then turned towards the isle. When they announced people could leave, Villanelle once again grabbed Eve’s hand to lead her out of the airplane, knocking over a few people in the way during the process.

“We should get poutine,” Villanelle said once they were out.

Eve faltered as she took in the airport. “Bathroom,” she said.

Villanelle nodded as they walked towards the one nearest to the gate.

When she was in the stall, she realized that was the first time she had been truly detached from Villanelle since the bridge.

For a final time, Eve wondered if what she was doing was right. She never could deduce that. The rightness of it all. If she even wanted to be right. Eve looked at her hand. The one Villanelle had been holding. It felt like a thoughtless action. Something she’d mostly been doing subconsciously. Even now Eve wanted to reach out. It didn’t matter if it was right. There was no point in questioning it.

She left the stall. Villanelle was at the sinks, and she stood next to her while washing her hands.

Eve looked at herself in the mirror. Traveling always made her want to shower. She splashed water against her face, and a paper towel was already in her hand when she looked up.

Villanelle stared at her, teeth grazing her lip. “Ready?”

“Poutine, money exchange, phones.”

Villanelle nodded. “Store, hotel.”

“Costa Rica.”

Villanelle managed to cut them through half of the line at border control, so they were at the money exchange within minutes. It was closer than poutine.

“I think you stepped on a child’s foot,” Eve said, referring to the border control line.

Villanelle scoffed. “He should have moved faster.”

Eve shouldn’t have smiled, but she did. Villanelle was funny. In a terrible way, but then again so was Eve.

“Okay, now can we please get food,” Eve said once Villanelle exchanged out the money.

“This is another date,” Villanelle said, and they were on there way to look for a place that sold poutine in the Toronto airport.

“So,” Eve said, curious, “we’ve been dating how long now, then?”

“You agree they were dates?”

“I’m not saying I don’t agree.” She had, at least emotionally, cheated on Niko with Villanelle. Who was to say they weren’t dates.

“Around two months.”

The food court was ahead of them, but all of the lights were dim. Eve looked at her watch. It was 4:35 am.

“Fuck,” Eve said, casually with no bite. “Time difference.”

“Phones, breakfast, store?” Villanelle asked, something whimsical dancing on her lips as she gave a small shrug.

“Do we need a car?” Eve thought, suddenly.

“We do,” Villanelle said, in surprise herself. She’d forgotten, the same way Eve had forgotten the time.

It was almost uncomfortable, the way they easily fell into comfort with each other. It was easy, when it wasn’t supposed to be easy.

It was easy with Niko, but not naturally easy. It wasn’t easy for Niko, that was certain. It was compromisingly easy.

What was Villanelle to Eve if not the thing that consumed her? Lover was too simple of an answer, and yet that’s what it had always felt like they were. Eve never considered the possibility that Villanelle already devoured her because that’s just something love does.

Villanelle was right. It wasn’t so bad.

They got phones. New numbers for new lives, though the phones would last only until they got to Costa Rica.

Breakfast had been on the road with Villanelle driving to the store as she ate a McGriddle. She told Eve about her time home, not her mother though.

“Would you go back?” Eve asked. “To see your brothers.”

Villanelle laughed. “No,” she said. “I don’t think so.” She looked at Eve, still driving straight on the road. “I have a new family.” She took the last bite of her sandwich, crumbling up the wrapper.

Eve took the wrapper from Villanelle, and put it in the emptied McDonalds bag.

Before Eve could say anything, Villanelle spoke again. “We could get a pet chicken.” She took a turn into a Walmart parking lot.

Eve shook her head. “Too loud in the mornings. Do you even like animals?”

Villanelle cut in front of another car, stealing a spot close to the building. “Not really. Well-” she stopped, “I like some of the pictures of cats with text.”

“Grumpy cat?” Eve asked.

“Classic.”

“Hello, welcome to Walmart,” the greeter said as they entered.

Villanelle paused and stared at the greeter for a long, hard moment. It was an old woman, who didn’t seem to notice Villanelle was staring because she kept looking forward.

“What?” Eve asked.

Villanelle huffed and grabbed a cart. “After you stabbed me I was staying with this creepy guy. Owned dolls creepy.”

“Um. Why?” Eve asked, trying to piece it together with the timeline she’d formed.

“Long story, but he lived with his mother.”

“Of course,” Eve said as Villanelle sneered while doing a once over of the clothes section.

“It’s not all bad,” Eve said, throwing a pack of underwear into the cart.

Villanelle picked a pair of underwear off the racks that had a giant picture of tweedy bird on the ass. She laughed. “Not that bad?” Villanelle put the underwear into the cart. “But I swear that greeter was his mother.”

“Is that bad?” Eve asked, her heart starting to thrum.

Villanelle laughed again. “No… no she wouldn’t recognize me. I just thought it was weird.”

Eve sighed. “Toothpaste,” she said once they were done throwing any clothes they would need in the cart. Most of it was plain stuff, at least where Eve was concerned. Villanelle had chosen a mix of odd things.

Villanelle grabbed several random items while waiting in line to check out. “Wonder ball,” she said to Eve, laughing. She got eight of those.

Eve got three packs of skittles.

“Hotel?” Villanelle asked as they packed away the groceries. Villanelle rented out a luxury car, insisting on the black Porsche they had left.

“Can I drive?” Eve asked, staring at the car. She hadn’t driven a car in an extremely long time, and she was never a big driver - but she’d enjoyed the smoothness of the car as they drove.

“You can drive?” Villanelle asked, tossing the key towards her.

Eve nodded gingerly. “Kinda.”

The smile on Villanelle’s face faltered slightly before coming back, bigger and brighter.

“Where are we going?” Eve asked.

Villanelle began typing in the car’s GPS.

“Hilton spa and resort?” Eve asked.

“I think we should relax.”

Eve began adjusting the seat. “Oh fuck off,” she said, when Villanelle began to snicker.

“Let’s do a couples massage.”

Eve didn’t respond as she began driving. It handled easily. Eve was almost certain it was on auto drive when a car came swerving at them in full force, and the only thing stopping them from absolute wreckage was Eve yanking the steering wheel to the right. That was not smooth. The car began to beep furiously as it veered off into the neighboring lane. Villanelle was yelling, palms splayed on the window and seat.

But then the noises stopped. Eve began driving on the right side of the road.

Both of them were breathing heavily, Eve’s hands sweating and gripping onto the wheel with bone-white knuckles.

Villanelle let out a roar of laughter, placing her hand on Eve’s shoulder. “You almost killed us,” she said.

Eve chuckled. “Wouldn’t that be an ending?”

“Stupid ending,” Villanelle said.

Eve didn’t know if it was stupid or fair, but she did know that fair could be stupid.

“The couples massage sounds nice,” Eve said, turning into the Hilton Spa and Resort.

The place was huge, but not unlike any other big hotel.

“On the website they have that thing where fish eat at your feet,” Villanelle said, excitedly. “It’s so gross. Especially when the fish poop.”

Eve grimaced as she went into parking, shifting the car to a full stop. She was taking up two spaces, the car going left into another spot. “I think I’ll sit that one out.”

“Ticklish?”

“No.”

“You so are,” Villanelle said, and then her smile faded, eyes going blank too.

Eve knew she was no longer thinking about the fish, despite that, Eve found herself saying, “We can do it.”

Villanelle looked at Eve, a rare, pensive look on her face. “Do people change?” she asked. “I don’t think they do.”

“Probably not,” Eve said. “But…I think people have different parts to them, and sometimes the parts are visible and sometimes they’re not. The monster is a part, but there are things that aren’t monsters.”

“My monster is big,” she said, eyes popping.

Eve laughed at that, though her voice was still sober.

“It feels small right now, though,” Villanelle continued. Her blank eyes filled with light as the morning's sun began to peak out through the sky. “What do you see when you stare at me?” she asked, the light still burning. It made Eve think of a city falling under fire, tall buildings falling sideways, smoke in the air, and the strange beauty that came with the destruction of anything. She also saw the pain that comes with it, too.

Eve took Villanelle's hand. “Myself,” she said. “ _Villanelle_. Rome falling. Rome being rebuilt.”

Villanelle’s breath shook, her chest concaving like an earthquake as she exhaled. “A lot of stuff.”

“There’s more.”

“Tell me about it, one day?”

“Sure. Let’s get checked in.”

They made their way to the receptionist desk, hand in hand.

“Any rooms ready right now?” Villanelle asked.

The woman looked at them, then at her computer. “Only one,” she said, looking at their hands.

“Ohh. Is it the _honeymoon_ suite?” Villanelle asked, wriggling her eyebrows as Eve looked towards the floor. 

“No. Two double beds. At four we’ll have a luxury suite available -”

“We’ll upgrade at four,” Villanelle said, giving the woman a visa card she’d bought at Walmart.

Once again it had been easy for them. Going up to their room with bags of shit from Walmart, and nothing else.

The room was nice. Big with two beds, about five feet apart from each other. The first thing Eve did was fall on the bed and close her eyes. She was tired, but knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep; buzzed with an excitement carried from the night before. She covered her head with her forearm and sighed.

“Eve?”

“Hm?” She opened her eyes and Villanelle was hovering above her.

“I’m going to shower.”

“Okay,” she said, closing her eyes again. She wanted to shower too, but didn’t want to get up. A cloud of exhaustion had been hovering over her since she first woke up. Fingers gently caressed her cheek, and then she felt her hair falling back out of her eyes. She didn’t open them. She didn’t feel that she had to.

The sound of the shower ran in the background, and Eve fell into something sleep-like. The bed was comfortable. She ditched the coat, allowing it to fall to the floor.

She didn’t dream and she didn’t think. Eve replayed the last twenty-four hours in her head, over and over again. Villanelle’s face catching in the light each time, altering the memory of what had really happened. In her memories there were stars above them on the bridge, glistening bright in the sky.

The shower stopped. Villanelle could have been in there five minutes, she could have been in there forty. When she left the bathroom, Eve finally opened her eyes.

Villanelle’s skin was still wet, though most of her was covered by a white, plush Hilton robe. Eve watched as a droplet of water slid down her leg.

“Pressure is good,” she said.

Eve tore her eyes away from Villanelle’s legs. “Huh?”

Villanelle smiled. “Shower?”

Eve sat up, stretching out her arms towards the ceiling. “Yeah.”

Villanelle bit her lip, reaching for Eve’s hand. “Okay,” she said, squeezing it before walking towards the other bed. She dropped the robe, and Eve stared, not speaking. She thought there might be more scars, but Villanelle’s back was smooth. Her skin soft, glowing. The curves of her body reminded Eve of valleys, dipping and rising. The drips still falling down her skin like rain on glass.

“You can take a picture,” Villanelle said, turning to face Eve.

And then Eve turned and went to the shower, something brewing low in her stomach. “Yeah, maybe later,” she said, not realizing she hadn’t listened to what Villanelle said.

The shower was large, foggy glass lining the entrance. She took her clothes off and neatly set them atop the toilet.

The water was already warm, and Eve sighed as it fell over her back and chest. As Eve washed, she thought of the ache between her legs, and how fast it had grown.

She felt a lot of things towards Villanelle, but only one of them had been there since their first meeting. _Lust_. A strong hunger for Villanelle herself, her body. The first time she came to the thought of Villanelle it was the strongest thing she’d felt in years.

Then Hugo, and the sound of her voice. Deep, and purposefully seductive.

Eve didn’t know what would happen once she left the shower. They were still something new, but they’d already crossed so many lines.

She washed her body, head to toe. Scrubbing at her arms and trying to get as much dead skin as possible off of herself. She felt new. In a sense she was. The hotel soap smelled like pears, and the washrag dug deep into her.

Villanelle was right about the shower pressure.

She turned the shower off as it started to cool, freezing as the cold air hit her in a sudden burst. She screamed and heard Villanelle laughing in the main room.

“It’s cold!”

“Hurry up!” Villanelle said back. “We have couples massage!”

“Today?” Eve asked.

“Yeah!”

“Like now?”

“Like now!”

Eve sighed and began to dry off, leaving the bathroom with her towel wrapped around her. Villanelle sat on the bed, wearing a blue sun dress that Eve was pretty sure was actually a maternity dress - but it worked.

“I don’t think we should go to the couples massage right now.”

Villanelle stood up. “Why not?” she said raising both hands.

Eve dropped the towel, watching as Villanelle’s breath caught in her throat. Eve liked seeing that, liked the slow darkening of Villanelle’s eyes as she looked at her body.

She took another step forward towards Eve, her eyes catching on Eve’s torso, then moving up to her breast and face. “You shaved,” she said with a fading smirk. She wet her lips as she came in closer, finally standing right in front of Eve.

“I took care of myself in the shower,” Villanelle said, flatly, once again looking down at Eve.

Eve stood still and watched her. There was something romantic about the way Villanelle looked at her. There was the need to devour, but also the need to comfort, a juxtaposition that Eve always felt when Villanelle met her gaze.

They were the only two in the room, but she made it feel like they were the only two people ever. There could be no selfishness if you were the only one there.

Eve swallowed and exhaled a breath, looking down as she reached for Villanelle’s dress. She dropped her hand when Villanelle took a step in, raised it to Villanelle’s cheek.

Sometimes she thought if she touched Villanelle enough, she might understand her better. Know her better.

“You have an amazing body,” Villanelle said, looking up and down again.

Villanelle’s hair was braided loosely to the side, hanging off of her shoulder down to the sun dress that Eve held a sudden disdain for.

Villanelle put a hand on Eve’s waist, pulling on her until their lips were just barely touching. She smiled against Eve. “I lied by the way.”

“About the shower?” Eve asked.

“Massage.” She smirked and kissed Eve fully, tongue already running against Eve’s as her hands splayed out over Eve’s hips. “Your skin feels nice,” she said into Eve’s mouth.

She pulled them back as Eve brought her hands down to Villanelle’s dress once again, attempting to pull it up and over her head.

They stopped at the bed, where Villanelle took hold of Eve’s hands. Villanelle forced them to her sides, her mouth lingering on Eve’s lower lip.

Eve pulled back her head, smiling and making a move towards Villanelle’s dress once again. They didn’t speak, but the gesture was flirty, filled with small smiles. Villanelle pulled on Eve just before spinning them and collapsing on top of Eve on the bed.

Villanelle straddled Eve’s waist, the bottom of Villanelle’s underwear coming into direct contact with Eve’s abdomen. Eve could feel her, wet and hot.

“I have a question for you,” Villanelle said.

“Is it about the couples massage?” Eve asked, her hands still tangled with Villanelle’s.

“What were you thinking, attacking me on that bus. I could have killed you.”

“You wouldn’t have,” Eve said, though she wasn’t entirely sure.

Villanelle took her dress off, lifting it over her head and tossing it to the floor. She wasn’t wearing a bra, though Eve recognized the tweedy bird underwear from Walmart. Villanelle knew this was going to happen because Villanelle knew Eve.

Eve was beginning to think she in turn knew Villanelle. She at least understood her, which was the next best thing to knowing. A breath away.

Eve stared at the scar on the side of her stomach just by her naval. A tiny pink spot. Eve had something similar on her shoulder. A little piece of Eve inside of Villanelle. A little piece of Villanelle inside of Eve.

Eve ran her fingers over it lightly, nails just grazing as they went lower. Villanelle watched her hand as it moved down to the hem of her underwear.

This part was new to Eve. Being with a woman. Yet, she’d envisioned it so many times.

Villanelle moved down to kiss her, light and teasing until Eve bit her lip. Then she was feistier, using lips, tongue and teeth; Eve kissing her back with just as much vigor. It was different from anything else Eve had experienced. A sweetness filled with catastrophe. She was a veneer in this way. Something that hid something else.

Eve drew her tongue against Villanelle’s sliding up and under the roof of her mouth; aware of the hand traveling down her navel. Her hands were everywhere. One on Villanelle’s face, then her hip, then her underwear, and back to her face, holding her chin.

Villanelle pulled away with a breath soaked in urgency. She reached between them and took off her own underwear, throwing them across the room.

“You didn’t need the underwear,” Eve said.

“It was funny.” Villanelle was back on Eve, straddling one of Eve’s thighs. The wetness gushed atop the heated skin of her thigh. 

Villanelle leaned down and kissed her again. Slowly like the shoe suspended above them in gravity. The tip of her tongue peaking out, and Eve wrapping her arms around Villanelle’s neck. Eve sighed when two fingers pressed against her, sinking.

Villanelle’s tongue once again in her mouth, but now the fingers were between her legs, moving leisurely. Sweet and sanguine, Eve falling in between the lines of jouissance. Villanelle’s mouth moved down, falling to her chin. She bit down and kissed, a pattern she followed down to Eve’s chest.

Every time Eve looked up at her, fingers would press deep inside, moving until her head fell back.

Villanelle’s tongue circled around her left nipple, as her fingers pulled in and out of her; a rhythm with them slowly forming as Eve moved her hips. Now her hands were mostly in place. One on Villanelle’s head, another on her arm.

Teeth grazed her nipple, and Villanelle’s hand continued to work at a torturous speed. She went through cycles of fast and slow, moving her palm up to create friction against Eve’s clit.

Eve pulled Villanelle up by her chin, leaning up to kiss her as the hand started to move slower and slower inside of her.

“You thought about this?” Eve said, gasping when she moved faster.

Villanelle nodded, moving slightly to kiss Eve’s cheek. “Every night. Sometimes twice a night, sometimes more. Sometimes in the morning,” she said, voice deep. “I’d think about you. Sometimes I’d look at a picture of you, and hold it in one hand.

“I have to move deeper,Eve,” she whispered against Eve’s ear, her fingers - three of them - reaching completely inside of Eve. A moan poured out of Eve’s mouth, flooding the room with its sound. “When I had sex with other people, the only thing that made me cum was thinking about this.” She moved faster then, and when Eve expected her to slow down, she didn’t.

A friction was started to fully build, lifting something heavy from Eve’s stomach. She rolled her hips harder.

“Did you think of me with Niko? Did you think about fucking me instead?”

Eve’s back stretched out, the heels of her feet pressing hard against the bed. Her hands, one on Villanelle’s cheek and the other on her waist, seized completely. Not an explosion, an implosion. Everything seemed to be brought back to her as she rode out Villanelle’s hand. She could feel it all at once.

Villanelle resting on her thigh with opened-legs, dripping on her skin; breasts pressed against her own chest and hardened, pink nipples; sweat, salty and on both of their skin; Villanelle’s mouth tasting faintly of mint from brushing her teeth, but also like something sweet; Villanelle’s mouth feeling hot, something indescribable, something greater than the sun because it was filled with such deep yearning; Villanelle’s nose pressed against her nose; and finally Villanelle’s fingers thrusting deep inside of her.

“You’re so sexy,” Villanelle whispered as Eve continued to ride out her orgasm.

Eve placed her hands on both of Villanelle’s shoulders, keeping a firm grip as she continued to fuck Villanelle’s hand.

They kissed again, sloppily, neither of them really trying to kiss so much as connect with each other.

Eve pulled on Villanelle until they were rolled over.

Villanelle grinned, placing her hands on Eve’s thighs. “You wanted to be on top?” she asked, her eyes focused on Eve’s breasts. She leaned her body up, holding Eve as she kissed her again, moving down to her neck and then her shoulder.

Eve could feel her hand sliding over the scar on her back. Villanelle pressed against it, lightly at first, and then harder. Her kisses getting softer and softer until she pulled away, staring at Eve.

She almost looked apologetic, so Eve kissed her. She didn’t know where they would start with apologies, and she didn’t want to think about that. She was too hungry.

Villanelle grabbed her ass and started to pull Eve as she made her way back down. “Get on my face,” Villanelle said. “Headboard,” she breathed into Eve’s mouth, before lying down.

She was splayed underneath Eve, eyes darkened and almost gray in color.

Her body was breathtaking. Perfect.

Eve shifted up towards her mouth, gasping at the firm grip on her thighs as she held onto the headboard. She looked down at Villanelle, seeing the eagerness in her face and she felt the eagerness herself. Skin thrumming and hot, there was a thrill that came with the newness.

Villanelle’s tongue worked fluidly against her, her hands gripping so tight into Eve’s thighs that she wondered if they’d leave little red marks. She didn’t care. She understood it, even.

She felt the physical need to keep Villanelle down underneath her. To encompass her, hold her, keep her. It directly opposed the feeling she had when Dasha was underneath her foot, though her heart constricted from a similar type of pleasure.

The blood humming under her skin, a song that she couldn’t hear, but she could feel. Villanelle’s mouth moving, tongue moving, hips grinding down.

Villanelle grabbed her ass, pulling Eve into her mouth while her tongue kept working. Eve began to feel the building once again.

And with Eve’s bucking hips, and Villanelle’s bobbing head; stars.

Her orgasm was different. It didn’t float like the other one. It was sudden, but strong. Her legs went limp after. Villanelle guided her down so Eve was lying atop her.

She kissed Eve’s hair. “You make the most beautiful face when you’re coming,” she said reverently. Eve leaned up and kissed her, still enthralled and still yearning.

“If I knew you could do that with your mouth we might be in Alaska right now,” she said, voice hoarse and lazy.

Villanelle laughed loudly, her back arching slightly with it. Eve stared at her breast as they moved along with her.

Her body was like something sculpted.

Eve never thought she’d enjoy a woman’s body so thoroughly, but that was always the least of her concern with Villanelle.

Eve shifted down, kissing Villanelle’s sternum.

She’d never been one for foreplay, but she’d never wanted to touch someone’s body the way she did Villanelle.

She wrapped her lips around Villanelle’s nipple, her hand easing its way down to the apex of her thighs.

“That’s nice,” Villanelle choked out, looking down.

“I’ve never done this before,” Eve said, though her voice was filled with a foreign confidence. Something Villanelle just brought out in her.

“Don’t worry. I have,” she said, reaching her hand down and tangling it in Eve’s hair. She gently guided Eve down, letting her left leg bend at the knee.

Eve knew what she liked, so she mirrored it on Villanelle.

At first she simply stared in between Villanelle’s legs. She was wet, her upper thighs smooth inside all leading up to pale skin accompanied by the pale pinkness that was inside of Villanelle. All of it glistening.

Eve ran her fingers through it, collected some of the gathered wetness. She glanced up as Villanelle hissed.

Eve descended her mouth on Villanelle, circling her clit with her tongue. Her fingers made their way inside. Feeling Villanelle, searing and pulsing.

She then let the flat of her tongue run along Villanelle, feeling the hand grip tighter on her head. Hips thrashing against her face, into her nose. She was buried.

More wetness gushed against her face.

Villanelle’s voice carried, a heavy moan as her body began to lift and then drop. When her orgasm faded, she was bringing Eve up, and their lips were meeting once again.

In between heavy, breaths and rolling around on the bed until Eve felt the world fall underneath her. She landed on top of Villanelle on the carpet, legs still tangled as they laughed into each other’s mouths.

Villanelle sighed and rolled over on her back next to Eve. The turned towards one another, neither of them smiling anymore.

Eve watched as Villanelle’s throat bobbed. “Do you know when you’re a kid, how things always seem bigger?” she asked.

The question took Eve off guard, as did the conflict in Villanelle’s eyes. “Buildings,” Eve said. “When I was a kid buildings always looked like they reached the stars. Not all buildings, but some did.”

Villanelle didn’t say anything to that, still looking at Eve.

“I wish I knew what you were thinking,” Eve said.

Villanelle smiled. “You don’t. You like that you can’t predict me.”

Eve laughed at that. “Can you predict me?”

She shook her head. “Not really.”

“Do you think this - us - could actually work?” Eve asked.

Villanelle took her hand. “Nothing else has ever felt like this,” she said, her voice almost a sigh. She twined their fingers. “Do you feel it?”

Eve felt calm. But it was more than just being calm. It was like something had been wrong before, or not all the way right even - something she never noticed before Villanelle. And now the thing that was maybe mostly right, but not completely right, was fixed. A serenity that stayed with her sometimes even in moments of chaos. All of this from Villanelle.

“Yes,” Eve said. “I feel it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to my friend who commissioned this on the behalf of BLM. I loved writing this so much. Hope you all enjoyed :)


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